Alien Invaders Wanted . . .




An alien walked into a bar and the bartender said, “What will it be?”

And the alien said, “Gort, Klaatu barada nikto.”

Gort, the robot from the 1951 science fiction film The Day the Earth Stood Still, crashed through the wall and started zapping everything with his third-eye ray gun.

“Stop!  Stop!  What are you doing?  Stop!” screamed the bartender.

But Gort kept zapping and destroyed everything except the bar and a stool with the alien.

“I’m ruined!” cried the bartender.  “Ruined!  Ruined!”

“Yes, we know,” said the alien.  “I guess now is not the time to ask for a beer.”

“Are you kidding me?  You come in here with your terrifying tin man and destroy my bar!  And you got the nerve to ask me for a beer?”

“Yes,” said the alien.”

“Okay,” said the bartender, “I was just checking.  I wanted to be sure.  I take customer service seriously here.”

“How many aliens does it take to change a light bulb?”

“I dunno.”

“Two.  One to use mind control to get you to change the bulb, and the other to probe your anus.”

“What do you call an alien who writes?”

“I dunno.”

“A writer.”

“Knock.  Knock”

“Who’s there?”


“Gort who?”

“Gort.  Don’t you remember me?  I was in the joke about an alien walking into a bar.  I also starred in The Day the Earth Stood Still.”

“Oh yeah, that Gort.  What can I do for you, Gort?”

“Can you barada my nikto?”

Please, Gort!  This is a family blog.  Get Klaatu to do it in the privacy of your spaceship.”


“What do the aliens do with the information after they have probed your anus?”


“They sell it to bloggers who use it to write shitty blogs.”


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I am Minnie and Chic's son.


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