“The 50th Anniversary of the moon landing was July 20th. Why is this blog eight days late?”
“A big dog abducted me, and ate my writing skills.”
“How are you able to write now?”
“Thanks to the aliens who rescued me. They performed an anal probe on me before bringing me home. The return of my writing skills is a side effect of the anal probe.”
*
“How many moons does it take to change a light bulb?”
“I dunno.”
“Neither does anyone else. There isn’t a bus big enough to bring the moon here to find out.”
*
“Why did the moon cross the road?”
“Why?”
“It didn’t. There isn’t a bus big enough to bring the moon here for it to cross a road.”
*
Scientific Unfact:
The moon is an out-of-work actor hanging out waiting for a comeback.
*
Scientific Question:
Is the moon wheelchair accessible?
*
Never say this on a first date:
“Would you like to go to the park and moon the moon?”
Wait for the second date.
*
What was really said on the moon . . .
Neil Armstrong: One small step for a man, one giant rip in the crotch of my spacesuit. Damn tailors made it too tight!
Moon: Hey, Astronaut! Wipe your feet before you walk all over me.
*
The moon walked into a bar and the bartender said, “How the hell did you get here?”
And the moon said, “I found a bus big enough to bring me.”
“Wonderful!” said the bartender. “What will it be?”
And the moon said, “I’ll have a crater, please.”
“You want a large bowl the ancients Greeks used to water down wine?”
“Not the bowl,” said the moon. “Just some watered-down wine, please.”
The bartender brought the moon some watered-down wine. The moon drank it, paid and got up to leave.
“Before you go,” said the bartender, “would you do me a favor?”
“Sure,” said the moon. “What would you like?”
And the bartender said, “You’re tall enough. Would you go to the back room and change the light bulb?”
“Sure,” said the moon. “No problem.”
The moon went to the back room, changed the light bulb and left.
*
“So, now we know how many moons it takes to change a light bulb.”
“But we don’t know why the moon crossed the road.”
“Yes, we do. The moon crossed the road to get back to the big bus to go home.”
