My good friend Mark Twain died Thursday, April 21st, 1910.  His last words were, “There go my plans for the weekend.”

As Mark Twain’s unofficial sartor resartus, he asked me to report the following:

 

“Why did Mark Twain cross the road?”

“I dunno.”

“He had lost his mind and thought he was writing.”

 

 

“How many Mark Twains does it take to change a light bulb?”

“How many?”

“Just one, but changing the light bulb has to advance the plot.”

“What plot?”

“His burial plot.”

 

 

“Knock.  Knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Mark.”

“Mark who?”

“Mark my words, very few will find this funny.”

 

 

“Mark Twain walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Mr. Twain!  Good to see you.  It’s been a long time.  Where have you been?”

And Mark Twain said, “I’ve been dead.”

“Really?  I didn’t know.  When did you die?”

“Thursday, April 21st, 1910, at 6:22 pm.”

“So today is the 110th anniversary of your death.”

“That is correct.”

“Well then, your drinks are on the house.  So, what can I get you?”

“Thank you.  I’ll have a Hot Toddy, please.”

So the bartender leaves, and then returns with a Hot Toddy for Mark Twain.   And then the bartender asked, “Tell me, Mr. Twain, is there life after death?”

And Mark Twain said, “No.”

 

 

“What is the difference between Shania Twain and Mark Twain?”

“What?”

“Shania is a woman and Mark is a man.”

 

“Why did Mark Twain’s eyes cross the road?”

“I dunno.”

“They were still in his head when he thought he was writing.”

 

 

“Okay,” said Mark Twain, “I’m getting tired.  I want to return to Eternal Peace.  Can you end this blog that is not all about me with something that is not all about me?”