Scholars, which is another name for “nerds,” assume that William Shakespeare was born on April 23, 1564.  There are no records of his birth, but there are records of Shakespeare’s baptism on April 26, 1564.  It was customary to baptize children three days after they were born.

When he was born, William Shakespeare’s first words were, “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

The doctor who had delivered William Shakespeare said, “Bill, please save your optimism for your plays.”

William Shakespeare died on April 23, 1616, after getting hit by a truck.  His final words were, “Ah!  Ahh!  Ahhh!”

 

 

“Why did William Shakespeare debate about crossing the road?”

“Why?”

“He could not decide whether to be or not to be on the other side.”

 

“How many William Shakespeares does it take to change a light bulb.

“How many?”

“Just one because only one exists.”

 

 

“Knock.  Knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“William Shakespeare.”

“William Shakespeare who?”

“There are gaps in your education.”

 

 

William Shakespeare walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “What will it be, Will?”

And William Shakespeare said, “Canst thou giveth me something that will helpeth me to decide whether or not to cross the road?”

“How about some advice?” asked the bartender.

“Sure,” said Shakespeare.

And the bartender said, “Never be a chicken to cross the road.”

 

 

William Shakespeare felt so inspired by the bartender’s words, that immediately he left the bar and crossed the road.  He never made it to the other side.  He got hit by a truck.

Old MacDonald, who had a farm, owned the truck.  But Old MacDonald was not driving.  The driver was one of Old MacDonald’s chickens who had stolen the truck and was out for a joy ride.

It was April 23, 1616, and William Shakespeare died instantly.