“Why did the turtle cross the road?”

“Why?”

“Actually, that is not a Why question.  It is a When question.  When did the turtle cross the road?”

“When?”

“Sometime in 1742.  At last report, the turtle was almost on the other side.”

*

“How many turtles does it take to change a light bulb?”

“How many?”

“Just one, but it has to get across the road first.”

*

“How does a turtle sell its home?”

“How?”

“It can’t.”

*

“How many homeless turtles are there?”

“How many?”

“None.  Turtles are never without their shells.”

*

“What is the difference between a tortoise and a turtle?”

“I dunno. I thought they were the same.”

“No.  A tortoise lives on land, and a turtle lives in water.  The picture above is a tortoise.”

“That’s the punchline?  That’s not funny.  Where’s the joke?”

“It was never meant to be funny.  It was part of my plan to educate humanity and raise its consciousness.”

“Why?”

“To make the world a bitter place.”

“A bitter place?”

“Yeah.”

“I see your spelling lessons are going well.”

“Thanks.”

*

A turtle crawled into a bar, and the bartender said, “What will it be?”

“And the turtle said, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” said the bartender.

“I don’t know,” said the turtle.  “I’ve never been in a bar-joke before.”

*

“Knock.  Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“The turtle.”
“The turtle who?”
“The turtle who started crossing the road in 1742.  I made it to the other side just in time for THE END.”

 

 

https://www.britannica.com/video/212127/Demystified-turtles-tortoises-difference