“Daddy, it’s a good thing the fishes are waterproof.”

*

“Goddamn taxes!  The next thing you know, the government is gonna wanna tax free estimates!

*

“Do you look as silly naked as you do in your clothes?”

*

“No one believes me that the red stain on my mattress is wine.”

*

“I’m reading a book about how to read books.”

*

“You know how it works: everything my wife has is valuable, and everything I have is junk.”

*

“It’s not normal to watch a movie with no sex, violence, or coarse language.”

*

“The fact that you think you know everything proves that you don’t know anything.”

*

“If I were in charge, I’d make it against the law to wear socks with sandals.”

*

“Your music is too loud!”
“What?”

*

“When is enough, enough?  Soon, the government will tell us when to laugh and when to cry.”

*

“I could not believe it!  That was her name!  Mrs. Thesta Pestawhistle!”

*

“When is all this nonsense going to end?”