Playboy and His Irrational Fear


I have a friend I will call “Playboy.”

Playboy is in his seventies, but mentally Playboy is still a teenager.  He loves looking at pictures of nude women.  He loves calling me to tell me about his sexual adventures.  If I were a teenager, then I would listen to Playboy with great interest.  But I was a teenager when medical experts told the dinosaurs, “You guys should wear surgical masks and social-distance or else you could get wiped out.”  In other words, a long time ago.  So I am not interested in sex and porn and would rather hear about how to get rid of aches and pains.  I listen to Playboy to be polite.

Playboy realizes that most men his age have lost interest in sex, and need medication to get things up.  So he likes to brag about how he can still perform the way he could when he was a teenager.

A recent telephone call, from Playboy, went like this:

“The vagina is the most beautiful thing in the world!” said Playboy.  “I love looking at it.  I love touching it.  I love licking and kissing it.  I also love to lick and kiss the area behind the vagina between a woman’s butt cheeks.”

Too much information?  Yes, but not for the teenager that Playboy is.  Your imagination can give you the rest of the play-by-play details Playboy told me about his latest sexual conquest.

When finished, Playboy talked about the steps stores take to stop the spread of germs.  He felt these measures were inadequate.

“How disgusting that stores allow men in who aren’t wearing socks with their sandals!” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Men who wear sandals without socks; it’s disgusting!  They shouldn’t be allowed in the stores.”


“Germs!  The germs from their feet go into the air.”

“But you’re not that close to their feet.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I’m breathing the air with the germs from their feet.  These men should not be allowed in the store unless they are wearing socks with their sandals.”

So there you have another excellent example of human reasoning.  Playboy loves to touch, lick, and kiss a woman’s private parts, including the area between her butt cheeks, but he worries about getting germs from the feet of men who wear sandals with no socks.  Wow!


Spread the word. Share this post!

About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.