Not All About Canada

 

“Why did Canada cross the road?”
“Why?”
“To be polite and apologize on the other side.”

*

“How many Canadas does it take to change a light bulb?”
“How many?”
“One because there is only one Canada.  But the light bulb has to be a Canadian citizen.  Canada does not change illegal light bulbs.”

*

“Knock.  Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Canada.”
“Canada who?”
“Canada.  Canada, the country north of the United States.”
“Sorry, never heard of you.  What do you want?”
“Recognition.”
“Yeah?  Well, Good Luck.”

*

“What did one Indigenous person say to another Indigenous person when they saw European settlers?”
“I dunno.”
“He said, ‘God damn immigrants!  They will ruin the country.’ “

*

Canada walked into a bar carrying a pot of gold and the bartender said, “What will it be?”
And Canada said, “I’ll have a beaver, please.”
And the pot of gold said, “I’ll have a rainbow cocktail, please.”
“Wow!” said the bartender.  “Your pot of gold can talk.”
“Yes,” said Canada, “money talks, so why shouldn’t gold?”
“True,” said the bartender, and he left to get their drinks.
“I did not know that it was unusual for me to talk,” said the pot of gold.
“And Canada said, “No more unusual than a talking nation occupying a particular territory.”

*

“What do we celebrate on Canada Day?”
“Christmas?”
“Not quite.  We celebrate another year of not getting arrested for possessing stolen land.”
“And then we celebrate Christmas?”
“Uh-uh-sure.  You must have gotten high marks in History.”
“Oh yes, it was my favorite subject.”

*

After leaving the bar, Canada dropped off the pot of gold at the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA).
“There won’t be much of me left by the time the CRA finishes with me,” said the pot of gold.
“Yes,” said Canada, “but they mean well.”
And then Canada said goodbye and carried on to take its place north of the United States.
“Did you miss me?” asked Canada.
“Miss you?” said the United States.  “I never noticed that you were gone.”

 

 

 

 

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I am Minnie and Chic's son.

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