Oh No! I’m Being Served Better Again

My storage company is serving me better again.  That means my monthly rent is rising.  Every time I receive a letter from the storage company telling me how happy they are that I am their customer, and how they pride themselves in providing me with excellent service, I know my rent is going up.

“In order to maintain our high standards and provide you with the customer service you deserve, we find it necessary to increase your monthly rental rate . . . “

Does anyone believe this caca?  Does anyone believe that this storage company is ecstatic to have him or her as a customer?  Does anyone believe that the storage company goes out of its way to provide excellent service?  Does anyone believe that the rent increase has nothing to do with profits?

The storage company could save itself some time and ink.  Instead of having a three-paragraph letter going on about how happy they are that I am a customer and providing excellent service, blah, blah, blah, they could have one paragraph:

“In order to keep our shareholders happy and make huge profits, we are raising your rent effective . . . “

That is all they need.  It is short and honest.  Never mind the crap about how happy they are that I am their customer.  Never mind the crap about their excellent service.  Never mind trying to convince me that they are doing me a favor by raising my rent.

I am trying to figure out what “high standards” of service they have to maintain.  Often, when I go to my storage unit, the iron gate is open because it is not working.  Often, one or more of the three bay doors are broken and open.  Often, one of the two elevators is not working.  These are the high standards that they need to maintain by raising my rent?

Perhaps one day, the storage company will send me a letter:

Dear Mr. Johnston,
We appreciate your business and are happy that we can continue to serve you.  We appreciate you so much that we will pay you a monthly fee for the pleasure of storing your junk on our premises.  And if what we pay you is not enough, then let us know and we will raise it.  Thank you.
The No-More-Gouge-Em Storage Company

Is it any wonder that people call me “a dreamer”?





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I am Minnie and Chic's son.

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