“Why did Procrastination cross the road?”
“Why?”
“First of all, Procrastination put off crossing the road.  When it finally got around to doing so, it crossed the road and hung out with some chickens that had crossed the road previously in other jokes.

*

Procrastination walked into a bar and the bartender said, “It’s about time you got here.  Where were you?”
And Procrastination said, “I was hanging out with some chickens after I finally decided to cross the road.”
“Hanging out with chickens?”
“Yes,” said Procrastination.  “How captivating listening to them talk!  They were discussing whether, after they died, they should leave their bodies to McDonald’s or KFC.  One chicken said that it was not going to leave its body to any restaurant.  It said that it was planning to be cremated, and have its ashes sprinkled across the road.”

*

“Knock.  Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“I-Am-Going-To-Delay.”
“I-Am-Going-To-Delay who?”
“I am going to delay answering your question because I think answering it will be too painful.  But when I do finally get around to answering your question, I will see that answering it was not as painful as I thought.  In fact, I will see that answering it was not painful at all.  Then I will realize how silly I was to procrastinate, and that I should have answered your question in the first place.”

*

“How many procrastinators does it take to change a light bulb?”
“How many?”
“Only one, but he or she may never get around to doing it.”

*

Always put off doing today what you can put off doing tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next.

*

The bartender said, “That’s interesting.  The next time I see a bunch of chickens, I’m going to hang out with them to hear what they have to say.  Now, what will it be?”
And Procrastination said, “Can you give me a minute?”
“Sure,” said the bartender.

BREAKING NEWS AUGUST 4, 2121:  PROCRASTINATION STILL IN BAR TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO ORDER . . .