My poop would not come out.  I thought I was constipated, but that was not the case.  My poop would not come out because it was terrified of catching COVID-19.  So it self-isolated in my bowels.

After consulting with the government and its health experts, I shoved a face mask up my ass along with instructions on social distancing and hand washing.  A short time later, my poop came out wearing the face mask and went on its merry way.  What a relief!