Professor Rupert T. Hormone

Professor Rupert T. Hormone

Professor Rupert T. Hormone is the Chairman of the Board of Directors for Gary Johnston Incorporated (GJI).  Professor Hormone and the board members decide policies and actions for GJI.

Professor Hormone is the only board member who is willing to have his identity known.  The other board members, for GJI, wish to remain anonymous.

The Board of  Directors is always meeting.  Board members rarely leave the Board’s meeting room.  They constantly debate and vote upon what GJI should think and do.  For example, a nice-looking woman is standing at a bus stop near Gary.  He feels attracted to her.

“I say we vote that Gary approaches her to start a conversation,” says a board member.

“I disagree,” says another board member.  “I say we vote to have Gary not approach her.  She could scream and accuse him of sexual harassment.  Watch.”

On the boardroom’s screen appears Gary approaching the woman, the woman screaming, someone calling the police, and the police arresting Gary.

“See?” says the board member.  “That is what could happen.”

“But,” says the first board member, “this could also happen.”

On the boardroom’s screen, Gary approaches the woman.  She smiles and is receptive to him.  They laugh and talk.  And then, there is a montage of scenes showing their relationship progressing.  It leads to a happy marriage with several children.

“Rubbish!” says the second board member.  “I say we vote to have Gary not approach her.  She cannot accuse Gary of sexual harassment if he minds his own business.”

“And they will not live happily ever after if he does not approach her,” says the first board member.  “This world needs more happily married couples.”

“Does anyone else have any other options for Gary’s actions at the bus stop?” asks Professor Rupert T. Hormone.

No one speaks.

“Very well then,” says Professor Hormone, “let us vote on the two options before us.”

Similar debates go on before GJI acts.  Sometimes these debates are heated.  Professor Rupert T. Hormone does his best to keep the debates from leading to violence with board members assaulting each other.  Violent debates are rare, but they have happened.

Also, debates may seem to go on for hours, but last only nanoseconds.

Professor Rupert T. Hormone has always been the Chairman of the Board of Directors for GJI.  No one knows how he got the job.  Rumor has it that Professor Hormone is good friends with the powerful and influential Imagi Nation.  Nation used its influence to get Professor Hormone the job.

Professor Rupert T. Hormone has a Ph.D. in PhDs.  He keeps his socks in a filing cabinet in alphabetical order.  He hangs his clothing in a closet using the Dewey Decimal System.  He likes to read, but he also likes to read.  Most of all, he likes to read.  His favorite word is favorite.  And his favorite number is the square root of Pi.

How nice of Professor Rupert T. Hormone to share some of his personal information.  The other board members are secretive and wish to remain anonymous.  Who knows whether they actually exist?

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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.