“Did you see the memo from Yorga?”
“No.”
“No more anal probes until after the pandemic.  And when we resume doing anal probes, we have to make sure that their butts are masked.”

*

“We have to go back.”
“Why?”
“I left my driver’s license in my other space suit.”

*

“If the Solar System needed an enema, then Earth is where they would shove the tube.”

*

“You’re a humanitarian?”
“That’s right. I only eat human beings.”

*

Voice over UFO intercom:
Effective immediately, you will no longer abduct unvaccinated people.

*

“Yikes, look at the price of gas!”
“Yeah, I’m glad we filled up before we left Mars.”

*

“Have they ruined the Earth yet?”
“No, but they’re working on it.”

*

“Do you think they’re listening and that our words will end up in a blog?”
“No way.  They lack the technology and imagination.”