The Ides of March

The Death of Julius Caesar (1806) by Vincenzo Camuccini


On March 15th, 44 BC, Julius Caesar’s friends changed his retirement plans.  If they had not done so, then here are some of the jobs Julius thought about doing once he retired:

– Opening Caesar’s, a restaurant that serves Caesar Salad only.  “The Best Caesar Salad this side of Reality!”

– Working as a lawyer who specializes in defending those accused of political assassinations

– Become a minister in a church that worships Julius Caesar

– Working as an instructor teaching people how to make crafts with clouds

– Opening High Pizza, a fast-food place that sells pizzas made with THC dough

– Run a restaurant for vampires called Bloody Caesars

– Work at Crash Test Dummies as a seat belt

– Become a salesman at High Voltage Incorporated selling electricity to lightning

– Get a job as the head of a cabbage factory

– Work for the government spreading fear and propaganda about COVID

– Become an iron and organize crusades against wrinkles

– Work as the future for Now Magazine

– Sell handbaskets that are fireproof

– Tell stories and tall tales to towers

– Repair the scrapes caused by skyscrapers

and finally,

– Become a life coach and teach people how to cope with the end of the world, or the end of this blog—whichever comes first.

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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.