Once upon a time, there was a Little Gary. Here are some of the things that Little Gary believed:
– The killing of characters in movies looked too real to be faked. Since capital punishment was still legal in Canada, Little Gary believed that the actors were prisoners on death row and that their actual executions took place when they died in the movie.
– God was an old man with a white beard. He wore a long white robe so no one would think that he was Santa Claus.
– A woman’s vagina was too small to have a baby pass through it. Women gave birth to babies with the babies coming out of women’s rear ends.
– He had the feeling that he never belonged on Earth. He believed he was the long-lost ruler of another planet, and that one day people from his world would come to Earth in flying saucers and take him back to where he belonged.
– Dogs are better than cats.
– He believed that he could run faster wearing a pair of PF Flyer running shoes.
– He believed that monsters and ghosts lived under his bed and in his closet. One of the ways to protect himself from these monsters was sleeping with the lights on. Monsters and ghosts only attack in the dark.
– If you had enough money, you would not have any problems.
– Little Gary believed that he had all the time in the world, all the time in the world. When he was Little Gary, he did.
