My Funeral Preferences

I went to a psychic once and she said, “One day, you will die.”

So far, her prediction has not come true.  I am prepared in case it does come true.

I told my daughters that my wishes for my funeral are preferences, and my daughters do not have to follow them.

Funerals are for the living and help the living process their loss.  If any of my preferences make my daughters uncomfortable, they do not have to follow them.

No restrictions on feelings.  People can laugh and cry, and they can applaud after someone sings or speaks.

At several funerals, I have seen people suffer trying to hold back tears because the deceased said, “I want no crying at my funeral.  I want people to laugh and have a good time.”

I prefer that no minister conduct the service.  I prefer no religious mumbo jumbo.  I believe in God, but I am not religious.  I do not go to church.  But if people want to read passages from religious texts, then they may do so.

Here is a preference I hope my daughters follow:  Instead of flowers, BANANAS!  People can send or bring a bunch of bananas instead of a bouquet.  Bananas are cheaper than flowers, and like flowers, the bunches of bananas can have small cards expressing condolences.

I envision the visitation room at the funeral parlor.  There I am, the star of the show, lying quietly in my coffin.  Surrounding me, where flowers would usually be, are bananas and bananas and still more bananas.  People may munch on the bananas if they get hungry.

My funeral service should be loosely structured, leaving lots of space for spontaneity.  People who wish to talk or sing may do so without fear of me interrupting them.

At the gravesite, people may throw bananas on my coffin after it is lowered into my grave.

Bananas, instead of flowers, is my way of sticking my tongue out at authority and tradition.  I am looking forward to it!  But I can wait.

I came into this world crying because I was young and did not know better.  Now I am older.  Now I am wiser.  I will leave this world laughing.

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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.