My good friend Barbara Turner-Vesselago said, ‘Writers are not just inventive on the page; they’re endlessly inventive at finding ways of avoiding getting to the page in the first place.’
“You’re a writer, are you?”
No, but I identify as one.
“That’s the same as me. I identify as a voice in your head, but I’m really a brick.
“What are you when you are not identifying as a writer?”
I am an LGBTQABC123.
“What is that?”
I have no idea, but I will use any available washroom.
“What other ways do you avoid writing.”
Counting leaves of grass for Walt Whitman.
“I thought he was dead.”
He is, but he still wants to know how many leaves there are in the grass.
And on the subject of sight, I often make myself invisible by closing my eyes. If I can’t see myself, then no one else can see me.
“Why would you want to make yourself invisible?”
So I can sneak up on the boxes in my neighbor’s garbage and beat them up.
To practise my kickboxing. Kickboxing is another way to avoid writing. And some days, when I am not kicking boxes or counting the leaves of grass, I just sit and stare at the wall and stare at the wall and stare at the wall.
“Is staring at the wall the best way to avoid writing?”
Do you want to know the best way to avoid writing or avoid doing anything else?