Today I went to the bathroom. I remembered that yesterday, and the day before yesterday, I went to the bathroom.
I think I am beginning to see a pattern.
Back in my dating days, just after Alan MacMasters invented the toaster, a woman, who owned a big German Shepherd, said to me, “I’ve never had sex with a human being before.”
Aha! I thought the same things then that you are thinking now. My mind was in the gutter.
And then she said, “I’m a virgin.”
Is there anyone who cares that the world is apathetic?
Oh no! I missed the last spaceship, and now I am stuck on Earth.
“Look at the good side.”
“No one cares.”
After reading my blogs, will people think that I am an intalleckchewal?
Thank you for the million dollars you sent me. I spent all of it on a good cause: groceries and gas.
Your most obedient sinner,
“Where were you when God created the Universe?”
I was looking over his shoulder giving him advice.
“Did he follow your advice?”
Why do people get drunk or stoned?
“To avoid you.”
Really? Is it all about me?
“Yes, it is all about you.”
Is this blog going anywhere?
“No, but it is what you write when you have no ideas.”
I have to go to the bathroom.
“You’re right. There is a pattern.”