Off the Top of My Head

I love speaking off the top of my head!  I never know what I am going to say.  Sometimes doing so gets me in trouble.  Actually, most times doing so gets me in trouble.  But speaking off the top of my head today was an exception.

I was walking north on Christie Street from the subway.  If there were lane markings on the sidewalk, then I was in the northbound lane.

I saw a man walking south towards me in the northbound lane.  He was about 35 to 40 years old, unshaven, and disheveled in appearance.  He could have been homeless, but he had no bags.  Perhaps he was an absent-minded academic.  I often see absent-minded academics wandering about.

As he got closer, I saw hatred and insanity dancing a duet in his eyes.  I moved to the southbound lane to pass him, but he moved and blocked my way forcing me to stop.

He glared at me and said, “I don’t like niggers.”

Off the top of my head I said, “Have you tried them with white wine?”


“Have you tried having niggers with white wine?”

Well!  The insanity and madness instantly stopped dancing, and his whole facial expression changed to WTF?

“Uh—er—uh—no,” he said.

“Niggers go well with white wine,”  I said.  “Try it.”

He stood motionless.  Either he was dumbfounded, or he was mentally calculating the square root of Pi divided by E=mc2.  It did not matter which.  I took advantage of this motionless moment, and stepped around him to continue walking north. 

When I looked back, he was still standing there.  I gave thanks that he had not followed me to see whether I had any other dietary suggestions.

I made a mental note to pick up some white wine.  I should have a bottle of white wine in case someone drops by and wants to have niggers.


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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.