A Letter to God


Dear God,

     For the most part, I am happy with what you have created.  The Universe is unfolding as it should—I suppose.  But I have a few questions.

     Why did you cause men to lose hair on their heads instead of the less visible body parts such as armpits and “down below”?

     (My mother called the down below area, of the body, “down below.”  I never heard my mother say penis, vagina, or crotch.  She never asked my brother or me whether we remembered to wash everything, but she always raised her eyebrows when she asked my sisters, “Did you wash down below?”)

     Would most men care if they lost hair in the non-visible parts of their bodies?  Probably not, but you might get the odd man who would do a comb-over if he lost hair on his crotch.

     Why didn’t you give women’s eggs a lifetime shelf life instead of only 28 days?  You could have had the eggs stay fresh until they were ready to be fertilized.  Do you have shares in the companies that make sanitary napkins?

     Why did you not allow women to be able, when they wanted, to remove fat from their butts and thighs and put it on their breasts?

     Why did you design the anus to open to 1 inch (2.54 cms) in diameter, and allow the bowels to create turds with diameters of 3 inches (7.62 cms) or more?  Was it to create the phrase pain in the ass?

     What were you thinking when you created the human intellect?  Could you not have given humans better reasoning powers and less leaning towards irrational thinking?

     Most people do not know the difference between an opinion and a fact.  They base their opinions on their opinions and not facts.  They think they have the right to do this when they say, “I’m entitled to my opinion.”  Do you know how frustrating it is for us intelleckchewals when we debait these people and other fishing rods?

     As I said, for the most part, I am happy with what you have created.  My good friend Mark Twain suggested a possible reason for the above-mentioned issues: “Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.”

     I hope not to see you soon.  Have a nice Eternity!





P.S.  There is no P.S.


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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.