Before I could say anything, Igor Ego started the phone call with, “I got two blowjobs this morning! Two! It was great! Two blowjobs!”
Igor loves to brag about his sexual adventures to his male friends.
“She loves giving me blowjobs!” he said about the mistress he saw earlier. “She really loves giving me blowjobs! I’m doing her a favor by letting her suck my cock.”
I have blogged about Igor before. He has a wife and four mistresses who do not know about each other.
Astronomers cannot decide whether the Universe or Igor’s ego is bigger.
Igor is a staunch conservative. Everything that is wrong with the world is the fault of liberals. He supports his opinions with his opinions. “I don’t need facts because I have common sense,” he says. He will dismiss any facts you present that prove his opinions wrong. “That’s not a fact,” he says. “That is your opinion.”
Igor finally allowed me to talk after the hundredth time he had told me about his two blowjobs. I mentioned comedian Ben Bankas, and Lenny Bruce came up in the conversation. I said how he was arrested, in 1961, for saying “cocksucking” during his act.
“Good!” said Igor. “He deserved it.”
“What?” I said. “Lenny Bruce deserved to be arrested?”
“Yup! Comedians like him are destroying the moral fabric of society. They should be locked up and not allowed to use profanity.”
I could not hold back hearing what this pompous, self-righteous jackass had just said.
“What are you doing to the moral fabric of society with your wife and four mistresses?”
“That’s different. At least I’m discreet and don’t go around bragging about it.”
So, it is okay for Igor to do anything wrong as long as he is discreet and does not brag about it.
The dots never get connected in Igor’s head.
Igor said that he wanted to go. He had several friends to call to tell them about his morning moral activities.
(The first link is a dramatization of Lenny Bruce’s arrest from the 1974 movie Lenny. The second link is Lenny Bruce doing a routine about his arrest.)