“How can you have writer’s block when you don’t write?”
“Since when do I need facts to have an opinion? I don’t need facts. I have common sense.”
“Honey, I love you so much! I love you so much that I named my penis after you!”
“What I don’t know is not worth knowing.”
“The only reason we have food shortages and inflation is that someone planned it that way.”
“I’m not married. Is that why my spouse doesn’t understand me?”
“I wish I had lots of money so I did not have to wish I had lots of money.”
“Been to any good funerals lately?”
“If I could go back in time and change things, I would go back and change my underwear.”
“I must be getting old. Going to the bathroom is like going out to a social event. I look forward to it, enjoy it while it is happening, and talk about it after it is over.”
“I don’t want anything for my birthday, but you better buy me something.”
“I have nothing to say and I will say it.”
“If the end is a new beginning, then how does a new beginning end?”
