I Used To Be . . .

“I used to be a blank piece of paper until some funny bone guy thought he could draw.”


I used to be a racist, but runner’s knee stopped me.


I used to be a conspiracy theorist, but the CIA and aliens held me down while Elvis Presley washed my brain.


I used to be a writer, but I fell down the stairs.  Now I’m a lefter.


I used to be rich, but the dog ate my bank accounts.


I used to be a surrealist, but the blue sky moved into my kitchen sink causing my clocks to melt.


I used to be a cannibal, but people made me sick.


I used to be smart, but then I got a TV.


I used to be a vegetarian until some crazy carrots beat me up.


I used to play tennis, but I got older.  Now I play ninenis.


I used to smoke marijuana, but I can’t remember why I stopped.


I used to be schizophrenic, but the voices made me stop.


I used to play baseball until I went batty.


I used to be funny, but . . .





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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.