The Ides of March

“The Death of Julius Caesar” by Vincenzo Camuccini


On March 15th, 44 BC, Julius Caesar met his maker.  Was it a lone assassin or a conspiracy that killed Caesar?

The Boring Warring Commission was appointed to investigate Caesar’s assassination.  The Commission concluded there was no conspiracy to kill Caesar, and Lee Brutus Oswald acted alone.

Some criticized the Boring Warring Commision because it ignored evidence and did not call all the witnesses.  The Commission even ignored Vincenzo Camucinni’s painting showing that Lee Brutus Oswald did not act alone.  The Commission said that the painting did not exist, and so it did not.

“There were only three stab wounds in Caesar’s body,” said the Boring Warring Commission.  “Any appearance of multiple stab wounds are your eyes playing tricks on you.”

The soothsayer who told Caesar, “Beware of the Ides of March” was about to testify before the Boring Warring Commission about where she got her information.  But the day before she was about to testify, she committed suicide by shooting herself six times in the head.  How odd that she did so because guns were not yet invented.

Most Roman people accepted the Boring Warring Commission’s conclusion that Lee Brutus Oswald acted alone.  The Romans were too busy to ask questions nor did they care to.  The government kept them distracted with the bread and circuses.

In a recent interview, Julius Caesar said he was happy with how things worked out.  He said, “My assassination made my life so much better!  I can keep coming back as a salad.”



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