All This Time


“Your last blog was on April 13th.  Where were you all this time?”

Several places in different centuries.

On April 14th, 1912, I was partying on the Titanic.  An iceberg crashed the party at 11:40 pm.  I stayed at the party until 2:30 am on April 15th.  At that time, the Titanic went down on the ocean.  The ocean enjoyed it, but this act ruined the remaining passengers’ plans for life.  It did not ruin my plans.  I left because I do not like pornography.

On April 16th, 1889, I went to Charlie Chaplin’s birthday party.  He made everyone wear a mustache instead of a mask.  We had a good time even though no one understood Charlie.  He spoke baby gibberish.  What did we expect?  It was his first day on the planet.

On April 17th, I listened to some friends apologize to me for no reason.
“We’re sorry,” they said.
And I said, “I’m so sorry that you are sorry.”
“We’re sorry to hear that,” they said.
And on it went.  We had a sorry good time.

Albert Einstein died on April 18th, 1955.  I was at his bedside to hear his final words:
“Tell Shlomo I will be a little late for his son’s bar mitzvah.”

On April 19th, yesterday, aliens abducted me.  They gave me an anal probe to see whether I was still an asshole.  The probe results will be ready on April 31st.

And now you’re up to date.



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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.