How I Spent My Lottery Winnings


Regular readers know that I won $110.90 in the 649 Lottery.  One hundred and ten dollars and ninety cents these days is like $110.90 these days.  In other words, it’s a lot of money.

I decided to go to Hawaii to see the Statue of Liberty.  When I arrived, the Statue of Liberty was on an extended lunch break in New York.  No one knew when she would return.

I could have left Hawaii, but I decided to stay and explore the island.  I fell in lava with Veronica, a volcano.  Veronica liked me as a friend, but did not want our relationship to go any deeper.  She said that if we were romantically involved, she would expect me to get hot and erupt, and I could not do that.  I said that I was capable of getting hot and erupting.  I told her about the times I had a high fever and barfed all over the place.  “It’s not the same, Gary,” she said.  “It’s not the same.”

Many women have broken my heart, but never a volcano.  I now know the pain is the same, whether it’s a heart-breaking woman or a heart-breaking volcano.

How can you mend a broken heart?  How can you stop the rain from falling down?  How can you stop the sun from shining?  What makes the world go round?

Money!  Money makes the world go round.  I soon forgot about my broken heart when I received notice from a lawyer representing the BeeGees.  They would sue me for all my money for the unauthorized use of their lyrics.  The thought of being sued cured me of my heartache.

I left Hawaii and returned to Toronto.  I used some of my lottery winnings to buy a whatchamacallit.  How wonderful that my whatchamacallit was Made In China!  That meant that if I had any problems with it, I could get an exchange or refund by taking it to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.  He’s got connections.

After my trip to Hawaii, returning to Toronto and buying the whatchamacallit, I still had five cents left of my lottery winnings.  I am unsure how to spend the five cents, but I think I will use it to buy myself a personality.




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About the Author

I am Minnie and Chic's son.